When I was eight,
My tooth fell out while eating a donut.
My tooth fell out while eating a donut.
A sense of pride and glee washed over me
while blood warmed my tongue.
while blood warmed my tongue.
My mother laughed
“I told you it would come out when it’s ready”
“I told you it would come out when it’s ready”
That night I slept soundly with a tooth under my pillow
And woke richer.
And woke richer.
Everything left me beautifully then.
I was excited to leave.
I was excited to leave.
My favorite white and gold baby phat shoes pinched and bunched my toes until my mother bought me new checkered slip-ons.
My sleeves climbed and squeezed my wrist as if it were checking my pulse.
Every goodbye meant someone thought I was becoming
Now a dress stops fitting
I pity myself.
I pity myself.
A friend stops calling
And I keep her number
And I keep her number
My grandfather dies
And for months I wake with the stupid expectation that something will be left under my pillow.
And for months I wake with the stupid expectation that something will be left under my pillow.
I know better.
Still
sometimes I put my tongue
to the places people have left
to the places people have left
and wait to feel
something growing there.
something growing there.